My draft after self editing

Argumentative Essay -after self editing

 

Manned flight travel to Mars. Is it a good idea?

 

Space travel has become an issue from the first time it is possible for man. The first men landed on the moon in 1969 had made an astonishing achievement for mankind. Lately there are new ideas to send manned flight to Mars. Some people think that it is worth the expense and risk; however some people feel it is unnecessary.

It is a pride of a country to have a first manned flight to Mars. Regaining the top position in science and technology is something a country looks for in this journey to Mars. However, it is also known that to send a manned flight to Mars will cost a lot of money. According to NASA in 1989 estimated cost of travel to Mars is 400 billion dollar. The cost now maybe higher due to inflation; it could reach to 600 billion dollar. It is said that one mission could be accomplished only by cutting health-care benefits, education or other important programs – or by raising taxes. The expense alone can decrease the welfare budget for the people.  It would not be worth it to sacrifice the need of people for the highest position in science and technology. The price of the mission is too high for the sake of pride alone.  We can wait until the technology is there and not sacrifice too much.

Economic growth will elevate the well being of people.  One of the keys to economic growth is science and technology. It is claimed that a manned flight to Mars is the key. However, raising the well being through science and technology is not limited to one discovery only. There are other inventions, such as a Hoover Dam, that is more useful for human kind. The dam will help man to control the availability of water in the reservoir, and as we know water is crucial to all human activities and its well being. There are a lot of discoveries that within our reach should be prioritized. The prosperity of the people through economic growth can be reached by other discovery, so it is not necessary to only have a manned flight to Mars as the key.

It is believed that the result of the experiments and studies will be quicker if we send human being to Mars. However, it is a fact that a lot of achievements in the space exploration are achieved without sending human to Mars. For instance, we can have the evidence of water existence with only automated probes and automated space telescope. Moreover, analysing rocks and minerals can be done in the laboratory on earth after sending an unmanned craft to Mars for samples.  So the importance of sending human in the exploration can be replaced by other ways, it is not necessary to send them directly to Mars.

In conclusion, although space exploration is important, sending a manned flight to Mars is not necessary for the time being. There are a lot of things to be considered, expenses is one that stands out.  Pride alone is not enough reason to send a mission with people to Mars. Moreover, economic growth can be reached by other means. Furthermore, we can still have good results by not sending human to Mars; an unmanned ship will still be enough. Therefore, in my opinion, a manned flight to Mars is unnecessary and way to expensive to be done today.

 

 

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6 thoughts on “My draft after self editing

  1. khanzaannisa says:

    mbak ade, absolutely i like your topic. it is approtimate perfect. i really understand about the real event after i read your essay. you give rebuttal in every your point. and in the conclusion, you have made minimize for every your point above complete with the rebuttal too.

  2. Si Ocyid says:

    It is believed that the result of the experiments and studies will be quicker if we send human being to Mars. However, it is a fact that a lot of achievements in the space exploration are achieved without sending human to Mars. For instance, we can have the evidence of water existence with only automated probes and automated space telescope.

    True.. and don’t forget the chimpanzee! 😛

  3. You developed the topic into a well organized argumentative essay. Your arguments are quite clear and stated in impressive sentence structure and vocabularies. You mentioned your arguments clearly in your body paragraphs with examples; however, you have to state your position more clearly in your thesis statement. The subject “some people” in both clauses of your thesis statement did not give strong emphasis of which side you stand. Regarding the coherence, transition signals between paragraphs could make your essay more coherent. In addition, check some minor errors in punctuations.

  4. it is a good essay mba ade, as usual 😀

  5. it is well-organized Mba Ade, 🙂

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